I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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