You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
