Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
