My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the day after is always just damage control
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
