I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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