I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
