why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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