wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
