hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
