I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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