why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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