Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
third nipple confirmed
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
