Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
