D3 body, D1 cock
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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