U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
