are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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