hotel room ftw
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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