I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she looked like the before picture.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
