I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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