I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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