If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
