NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
