good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
