i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
