Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
