wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
