everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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