Betty ford says i'm here all night
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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