shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.