so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
