I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
