he shaved USA in his pubs
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
