I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
