Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
