Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
pray to the hookup gods
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
