Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
