My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
