I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
