I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
