so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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