Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
