my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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