During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
