I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
