My brain says no but my pants say off.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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