Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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