my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
