They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
