I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
