im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Couch. On fire.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
