Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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