She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
