I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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