Say something about gay babies.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
this boner is exhausting
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
